Wednesday, March 19, 2008

"So, what do you do all day?"

I worked as an election inspector for the NY primaries in February and one of the women I worked with asked me this question when she found out I stayed home with Adam. She wasn't being sarcastic or snotty, she genuinely wanted to know. It has bothered me ever since. Not that she asked the question, but that I was unable to answer it in any sort of satisfactory way. I kind of stumbled over a few sentences about reading books and going on walks which made me sound like a woman of leisure from the Regency era. I feel like she left our conversation having had suspicions confirmed that stay-at-home moms really don't do anything.

I'll admit there are days where I feel like I've got it pretty good. Those days when Adam takes nice, long, leisurely naps and wakes refreshed. He doesn't throw his food at me or rub it in his hair. He brings me books and we read together. He doesn't scream in short, high pitched bursts to get my attention, but instead comes and lays his head in my lap. I shower, blow dry my hair and put on make-up. We go to the library and he plays contentedly for an hour while I read a good book sitting in the beanbag chair in the corner. These days do happen but they are few and far between.

I usually start the day sleep deprived because Scott and I stayed up late the night before watching a movie. My fault, right? We are still relishing the idea that after 10 months of middle of the night waking that our son sleeps for 12 HOURS STRAIGHT. Forgive us our jubilee.

Adam usually wakes before 7 a.m. I don't get to shower, eat breakfast or brush my teeth before work. It begins with a high pitched squeal as an alarm clock. For the next 2-3 hours we play, read books, change diapers, eat breakfast, throw breakfast, smash breakfast. Then Adam naps and I shower, find my living room floor beneath his toys, do the dishes, change the laundry and yes, I read blogs.

After Adam wakes up we eat lunch, change his diaper, play and usually go somewhere. While he takes his afternoon nap I make dinner. When Scott gets home we eat dinner, bathe Adam and put him to bed. Then we usually have a couple of hours to spend together before we go to bed.

So, in thinking about this over the last month I've decided that my job is "being there". While most of what I do could be done by an illiterate high schooler for minimum wage, I'm the Mom. I am there for Adam when he needs something whether it be a hug, a diaper change or a walk. While my day isn't filled with important business deals or lifesaving operations I still know that what I am doing is important.

So, my question to you is, what would you have said? If you had to make what you do sound important and meaningful to a skeptic, how would you describe it?

5 comments:

Deborah said...

What you do can't be done by a minimum wager. No one can love Adam the way you do and no one will give him the attention and time and your college education. You are building a lifetime of trust and love that you can only do with 24hrs a day, 7 days a week.

Anna said...

You are a teacher, a cook, a house keeper, a role model, a driver, a personal shopper, a hygienist (diapers and baths), a nutritionist, and a playmate on top of already being a wife. I may have to blog a similar experience I recently had with The Man. Thanks for sharing!

Veronica said...

I am not a mother yet but I probably would have had the same situation you did, and then wrote a blog about it... wait in a couple of years you just might read about it! Besides I can't think of a better career than Mom!?

Mary said...

I have always hated it when people ask me that question. When they find out I stay home they seem to have nothing else to say to me. I just know that I spend every minute of the day working in some way or another. It is an endless, thankless, wonderful, terrible, amazing job that I really wouldn't trade for anything in the world. No one else can do my job with my kids the way I do it. There is no replacement for mom.

Allison said...

you really want a long reply? okay ... here you go.

Living the NYC thing right now I feel as though stay-at-home mom is never enough. Sure I could hire a nanny like so many of the kids we've played with at the parks so I could do "other things". But they are the reason I stay home to take care of the important yet often mundane day-to-day of motherhood. The "Nanny Kids" really are different. The nannies are talking on their cell phones while the kids play. Yeah I do that too, but when the child has something AMAZING to share (like "watch me slide!" or "look at this rock!") the nanny is too busy and COMPLETELY disinterested. The child then gets attention by smacking my child on the face or whatever. Negative attention is better than no attention.

But I stay home and I acknowledge the little joys that my kids find in experiencing the world. And from this they learn right from wrong. They learn love. They learn life skills. They learn trust. They learn someone will always be there for them no matter how big or small the matter. And at the end of the day, isn't that what life is about?

So yeah, I'm the lucky one who gets to stay home with my children. I get to enjoy mornings like today when I watched Ian (4 1/2) spend an hour sorting 7 loads of laundry all by himself and starting it all on his own. He was so proud that he could get the detergent out all by himself and get the fabric sheet out to put in the dryer. Sure this is completely insignificant to many out there. But if I can teach one boy how to find pure joy in even the smallest of things, then my day is complete.

Do you find that kind of happiness in what you do all day?